Crazy Right

I can't believe it's been almost three weeks since my last post. I've had some half formed ideas about what I wanted to post - even some half written posts - but nothing would come out all the way.

When I think about my walk with God right now, its been a pretty active time. The most poignant moment happened the Thursday before last. Specifically, during WOW a website where spouses can systematically search for affair partners was mentioned as an example of the darkness in the world. In the moment, I thought I was ok - but boy o boy did the enemy see a big wide crack in my armor. By the time I made it to my car and driving to work, my mind was filled to the brim with fantasies that David was having some sort of organized affair. (If you don't know this about me already, this is my Achilles heal). I knew in the moment something significant was happening, that I was being confronted with a choice - to trust David or to crazily spiral down into a pit of insecurity. I prayed, I said my Bible verses out loud, I called in reinforcements... It felt like a day long battle, little moments of victory here, assaults on the left flank there.

I remember hearing somewhere recently that the enemy works by wearing us down, by relentlessly pursuing until we give in. That is certainly what it felt like. And it's hard to fully describe the intensity of the whole thing - I mean we are talking about a battle predominantly occurring in my head, but honestly there were moments when I was physically SHAKING I was so scared. Crazy right?

But I stayed the course, I didn't give in and start acting like an insecure lunatic. I didn't let my mind wander into a pit of darkness. I just kept resisting by praying and speaking the Truth.

Today the whole thing seems a little bonkers - like if one little comment can trigger that sort of panic, how on Earth would I react in the face of an actual physical danger? Yet, I know that my faith is quite clear that often our most intense battles are not physical ones.