Hello my beautiful friends! Boy do I miss you. I am
making this post from sunny Las Vegas, where I am visiting my folks for a week.
As part of the series at the gathering., we have been asked to
consider how God goes about working redemption in our lives. These past few
weeks, we have been specifically asked to consider how He works out redemption
in our relationships. When I saw I was going to be writing on this topic, I
thought “Oh no!” well…actually I thought something not appropriate to post to
the blog but that’s beside the point… because, often, my initial reaction to
thinking about redemption in my broken relationships is to think that they have
not really been worked out.
Let me see… of the three men I have loved romantically
in my lifetime I am divorcing one and not on speaking terms with the two
others. Of the close girlfriends I have had… I have lost one to anorexia and
drug abuse and another to a controlling spouse; neither of which appears to be
truly interested in mending our relationships. So basically, what I have to say
is that, so far, it often seems to me that God has not redeemed some of the
most important and painful broken relationships in my life… In most cases I am
still hurting and grieving their losses. I still have my ex’s favorite chili in
my cupboard reminding me that I used to be married and now I am betrayed. I
still have a great love’s T-shirt sitting in at the bottom of a drawer making
my heart ache with longing. I still have a picture of a best friend hanging on
the wall of my parents’ house, but she has not crossed its threshold in nearly
15 years. I truly love these people. But for various reasons these
relationships are broken… dead…
So I guess I am waiting… Waiting to see God work
together these deaths into good… I sure do hope He will. But right now what I often
see is an end. A sad, sad end to relationships that felt so deeply important to
me.
We don’t spend a lot of time talking about the
waiting. This is despite the fact that
almost all of us are doing it! How many of you are mourning a dead
relationship? A child that took a path you could not follow? A friend who
betrayed you? A lover that rejected you? A person you could never face after
you failed? One of my Bible Study teachers put it this way, “We are often
somewhere between Friday and Sunday.” Meaning the cross suffered – the pain
experienced – but before the resurrection. Redemption unseen.
I wanna stop and say something right now. Because I
am about to talk about faith in the waiting… but I want to say before – IT IS
OK TO GREIVE! Faith in the waiting does not preclude mourning. It is totally
appropriate to cry when you happen upon that picture of your lost loved one. In
the waiting there is loss and it is ok to feel it. Paul puts it this way in his
letter to the Thessalonians:
My
friends, we want you to understand how it will be for those followers who have
already died. Then you won’t grieve over them and be like people who don’t have
any hope. We believe that Jesus died and was raised to life. We also believe
that when God brings Jesus back again, he will bring with him all who had faith
in Jesus before they died.
You see Paul was talking to folks who had come up in
a culture that believed death was the end. Finished. Done. No hope. Death has
the final say. He calls them to grieve in a new way. A way that acknowledges
loss, but looks to the horizon… a grief that hopes.
Let’s say that again: A grief that
hopes.
So… in the midst of these dead
relationships… what am I to do? Hope.
As one of my relationships was dying
Mumford and Son’s song Thistle
and Weeds really spoke to me clearly about
this issue (my use of music to understand life is really showing isn’t it!).
The song ebbs and swells; it feels in sound the way grief and loss emotionally
toss us. “Alone in the wind and the rain you left me. It’s getting dark
darling, too dark to see. And I’m on my knees and your faith in shreds it
seems.” It grows and builds - articulating the pain - and then it peaks as he
screams “But I will hold on, I will hold on hope.”
Now that is real. That is real,
tuned in, waiting. And that is what it really feels like. Like you are
screaming into the storm that you will not give up. And it hurts. No that is
not right – that word needs another syllable. It HU – URTS.
So how do we endure it? Well Ladies…
I honestly don’t feel like I have a full answer to this. But I will tell you
some of the things that have helped me so far.
First, I remember who God is. I mean
a huge temptation in the middle of my pain is to believe God has abandoned me,
doesn’t care, doesn’t exist or is punishing me. But when I deliberately
remember who God is, it is hard to retain this stance. I think about Ruth and
Naomi’s story (listen to a great song about it here), Job’s story, David’s story – I think about the years they
spent waiting and wondering. I think about their about their unanswered
questions. But I see the beauty of God’s story weaved through their lives and I
remember that I am one of them.
Second, I remember that though I may
not have seen redemption in these specific relationships I have seen
redemption. I have seen it in my person. I am changed by knowing and loving
Jesus in ways that are undeniable. I know how to give and receive love like I
never would have. I have seen it in the stories and hearts of others – the
living testimonies of Christ’s goodness all around me. Ask David and Christina
Smith about their story if you are confused about redemption. Ask David
Hasenmyer about Elizabeth if you are wondering if God has a plan. Within our
little community are stories of God’s goodness and His redemptive purposes –
let them give you hope.
Finally, I remember to be grateful.
I was listening to one of my favorite psychological researchers Brene Brown
talk about vulnerability last night (if you are interested check it out here). In it she talks about how to take steps to be fully alive
and one is to “practice gratitude.” In it she says, “I’ve interviewed a lot of
people who have been through many horrific things, from genocide to trauma. And
when you ask them what they need, they will tell you ‘I don’t need your pity. I
don’t need your sympathy. I need… when you look at your children I need to know
you’re grateful. I need to know that you know what you have.’ ”You see, I know
that I need that right now. When I look at happy couples or folks who have a
spouse who loves them, I need to know that they get it. That they are grateful
for what they have. But I have too. I have friendship. I have clothes. I have
loving and alive parents. I have a great job. I have the privilege of intimacy.
I have the love of the one true God and a relationship with Him that I have
neither earned nor deserved. And I need to remember that because it helps me
endure the waiting.
Dearest
Abba,
I
love You. You are the author of redemption. I know, I know, I KNOW You have a
plan for this life, for my life. I believe You. Here it is. Work redemption out
in Your time and Your way. Help me to endure the waiting. Help me grow in the
waiting.
I
love you too. Amen.
So Ladies here’s your assignment:
(1) Own it. Think about the ways you are
waiting in your relationships. Honestly acknowledge to yourself and to God what
relationships seem unfinished to you. Make an appraisal of where your heart is
about these relationships.
(2) Wrestle it. Knowing that God allows
waiting (which is painful) to happen at all can insight anger (ok flat out rage
sometimes) in our flesh. Are you mad at God? Knowing that God allows waiting
can make us feel abandoned (ok flat out hopeless sometimes) in our flesh? Is
your heart hopeless? Bring your anger, bring your hopelessness, bring any grief
in its fullness to Him. He can totally handle it.
(3) Live it. Here is the challenge… GO GET
YOU A REDEMPTION STORY. Get one from someone you love in your life. Listen to
how God worked out their redemption. It’s as close as your Bible. Remember
Naomi and her bitterness. Read Ruth like you are reading the life of a good
friend. Think about the losses suffered and the waiting endured. He is there
loves. He is there. Find Him.
