Day 1

A life devoted to things is a dead life, a stump; a God-shaped life is a flourishing tree.
- Proverbs 11:28 The Message

"If I handed you an invention you had never seen before, you wouldn't know it's purpose, and the invention itself wouldn't be able to tell you either. Only the creator or the owner's manual could reveal its purpose."

Is this really true? Can I tell nothing of a person's purpose by looking at them? By knowing them? What sense is encouragement then? Or insight? Or reflection? Or community?

Perhaps it's larger than I am imagining. Perhaps we see gifts, talents, strengths, weaknesses, abilities - Clues, but not answers. Only God knows how they are to be woven together into a life. Into a whole, living, thriving person. Past that and into The Grand Story.

"But being successful and fulfilling your life's purpose are not at all the same issue!"

Amen, brother.

Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self.
- Matthew 16:25 The Message

Gulp. I knew God had something to say. I should have know it was this (see the blog post entitled Self-Centered).

Ok. Ok. It is not about me. I know it is not.... about.... me.

It's in Christ that we find what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone. 
- Ephesians 1:11 The Message

In everything... in everyone. His purpose does not consider me in isolation. It considers my life a thread in a tapestry. I tapestry that He is weaving and creating. A glorious and beautiful tapestry of redemption.

"Question to Consider: In spite of all of the advertising around me, how can I remind myself that life is really  about living for God, not myself?"

Shit people, I can't even get out of bed and to the Bible without tripping over this nonsense. I am broken. I am self-centered. Let's talk about this morning. Syd woke up early. David was kind enough to let me sleep and handle her breakfast and TV. She wandered upstairs and hour later and I was bitterly complaining in my head about how inconsiderate it was for David to allow her to come upstairs while I was still sleeping. AN HOUR LATER. Exactly 10 minutes before I was supposed to get out of bed anyway. Selfish.

Then it's about my hair, my clothes, my work schedule, my duties, my responsibilities, my task list, my self-esteem. Oh and let's not forget my WEIGHT! Rambling on in my head like an endless swelling and subsiding of the ocean. I am so sick of worrying about myself! I am so tired of managing myself. I am so done with myself.

*Sigh*

Lord, Here I am. Here is my schedule. Here is my self-esteem. Here are my clients. Here is my marriage. Here are my friendships and the commune. Here is the EPPP. Here is my shame about not having taken it yet. Here is my sea of unfinished progress notes. Here is my broken record diatribe about working harder. You take it all. I am done with it. When I try to grab it back from you... oh, in like 15 minutes, please smack my hand away. I know that this life is about you. Please, please remind me.

I love you.