Fasting or Dieting?

God totally has my number. Isn't it freakin' nonsense that He can see right down to your tippy-toes and you can't get away with anything!

So I've been abstaining from meat for the last 4-5 days. Specifically, as part of my study of the book of Daniel we were asked to choose something from which to abstain. To say no (on a fairly regular basis) to an overly indulgent world. Beth suggested meat (I am guessing because she lives in Texas and that's like saying I'm going to give up air there). And I immediately thought "I am going to do that too! I want to do that!"

I should have known, right then and there, that I was not sacrificing for the right reasons. I think some part of me did. But, I went on and have successfully abstained from meat for several days.

Today as I am sitting, drinking my coffee and enjoying the Word, I was asked to appraise the part of our culture that has indoctrinated me the most successfully. Not knowing what was to come, I honestly said this: "I am most indoctrinated by the belief that appearance is everything. I am not sure why. I think my mother and father place a very high premium on beauty and I never felt very beautiful. Smart... but not beautiful."

Then comes this sentence "In the coming weeks, we will perform some honest appraisals of our levels of integrity in this vastly enticing world." To which Parakletos replies "So Paula, why exactly did you give up meat? For me? Or for beauty?"

And I sat... caught! I was not giving up meat for even close to the right reasons, I was giving it up because on some level I hoped it would make me thinner and more beautiful. Yuck.

So this is wear I am sitting now. I've prayed for healing and offered to give-up, giving-up meat if that is what He has called me to do. But so far, I feel as though I am to stay the course - looking to God to transform my broken heart into a healed one; my broken motives into righteous ones.

Father God,

I love you Lord. Thank you for always seeing me, and always knowing just the right thing to say to wake me up. I am yours. Mold me, change me. Lift me out of brokenness. I want to worship you and not approval and beauty.

It is in the Gracious name of Jesus Christ I pray,

Amen.