The Waiting is the Hardest Part

Hello my beautiful friends! Boy do I miss you. I am making this post from sunny Las Vegas, where I am visiting my folks for a week.

As part of the series at the gathering., we have been asked to consider how God goes about working redemption in our lives. These past few weeks, we have been specifically asked to consider how He works out redemption in our relationships. When I saw I was going to be writing on this topic, I thought “Oh no!” well…actually I thought something not appropriate to post to the blog but that’s beside the point… because, often, my initial reaction to thinking about redemption in my broken relationships is to think that they have not really been worked out.

Let me see… of the three men I have loved romantically in my lifetime I am divorcing one and not on speaking terms with the two others. Of the close girlfriends I have had… I have lost one to anorexia and drug abuse and another to a controlling spouse; neither of which appears to be truly interested in mending our relationships. So basically, what I have to say is that, so far, it often seems to me that God has not redeemed some of the most important and painful broken relationships in my life… In most cases I am still hurting and grieving their losses. I still have my ex’s favorite chili in my cupboard reminding me that I used to be married and now I am betrayed. I still have a great love’s T-shirt sitting in at the bottom of a drawer making my heart ache with longing. I still have a picture of a best friend hanging on the wall of my parents’ house, but she has not crossed its threshold in nearly 15 years. I truly love these people. But for various reasons these relationships are broken… dead…

So I guess I am waiting… Waiting to see God work together these deaths into good… I sure do hope He will. But right now what I often see is an end. A sad, sad end to relationships that felt so deeply important to me.

We don’t spend a lot of time talking about the waiting.  This is despite the fact that almost all of us are doing it! How many of you are mourning a dead relationship? A child that took a path you could not follow? A friend who betrayed you? A lover that rejected you? A person you could never face after you failed? One of my Bible Study teachers put it this way, “We are often somewhere between Friday and Sunday.” Meaning the cross suffered – the pain experienced – but before the resurrection. Redemption unseen.

I wanna stop and say something right now. Because I am about to talk about faith in the waiting… but I want to say before – IT IS OK TO GREIVE! Faith in the waiting does not preclude mourning. It is totally appropriate to cry when you happen upon that picture of your lost loved one. In the waiting there is loss and it is ok to feel it. Paul puts it this way in his letter to the Thessalonians:

My friends, we want you to understand how it will be for those followers who have already died. Then you won’t grieve over them and be like people who don’t have any hope. We believe that Jesus died and was raised to life. We also believe that when God brings Jesus back again, he will bring with him all who had faith in Jesus before they died.

You see Paul was talking to folks who had come up in a culture that believed death was the end. Finished. Done. No hope. Death has the final say. He calls them to grieve in a new way. A way that acknowledges loss, but looks to the horizon… a grief that hopes.

Let’s say that again: A grief that hopes.

 

So… in the midst of these dead relationships… what am I to do? Hope.

 

As one of my relationships was dying Mumford and Son’s song Thistle and Weeds really spoke to me clearly about this issue (my use of music to understand life is really showing isn’t it!). The song ebbs and swells; it feels in sound the way grief and loss emotionally toss us. “Alone in the wind and the rain you left me. It’s getting dark darling, too dark to see. And I’m on my knees and your faith in shreds it seems.” It grows and builds - articulating the pain - and then it peaks as he screams “But I will hold on, I will hold on hope.”

 

Now that is real. That is real, tuned in, waiting. And that is what it really feels like. Like you are screaming into the storm that you will not give up. And it hurts. No that is not right – that word needs another syllable. It HU – URTS.

 

So how do we endure it? Well Ladies… I honestly don’t feel like I have a full answer to this. But I will tell you some of the things that have helped me so far.

 

First, I remember who God is. I mean a huge temptation in the middle of my pain is to believe God has abandoned me, doesn’t care, doesn’t exist or is punishing me. But when I deliberately remember who God is, it is hard to retain this stance. I think about Ruth and Naomi’s story (listen to a great song about it here), Job’s story, David’s story – I think about the years they spent waiting and wondering. I think about their about their unanswered questions. But I see the beauty of God’s story weaved through their lives and I remember that I am one of them.

 

Second, I remember that though I may not have seen redemption in these specific relationships I have seen redemption. I have seen it in my person. I am changed by knowing and loving Jesus in ways that are undeniable. I know how to give and receive love like I never would have. I have seen it in the stories and hearts of others – the living testimonies of Christ’s goodness all around me. Ask David and Christina Smith about their story if you are confused about redemption. Ask David Hasenmyer about Elizabeth if you are wondering if God has a plan. Within our little community are stories of God’s goodness and His redemptive purposes – let them give you hope.

 

Finally, I remember to be grateful. I was listening to one of my favorite psychological researchers Brene Brown talk about vulnerability last night (if you are interested check it out here). In it she talks about how to take steps to be fully alive and one is to “practice gratitude.” In it she says, “I’ve interviewed a lot of people who have been through many horrific things, from genocide to trauma. And when you ask them what they need, they will tell you ‘I don’t need your pity. I don’t need your sympathy. I need… when you look at your children I need to know you’re grateful. I need to know that you know what you have.’ ”You see, I know that I need that right now. When I look at happy couples or folks who have a spouse who loves them, I need to know that they get it. That they are grateful for what they have. But I have too. I have friendship. I have clothes. I have loving and alive parents. I have a great job. I have the privilege of intimacy. I have the love of the one true God and a relationship with Him that I have neither earned nor deserved. And I need to remember that because it helps me endure the waiting.

 

Dearest Abba,

 

I love You. You are the author of redemption. I know, I know, I KNOW You have a plan for this life, for my life. I believe You. Here it is. Work redemption out in Your time and Your way. Help me to endure the waiting. Help me grow in the waiting.

 

I love you too. Amen.

 

So Ladies here’s your assignment:

 

(1)   Own it. Think about the ways you are waiting in your relationships. Honestly acknowledge to yourself and to God what relationships seem unfinished to you. Make an appraisal of where your heart is about these relationships.

 

(2)   Wrestle it. Knowing that God allows waiting (which is painful) to happen at all can insight anger (ok flat out rage sometimes) in our flesh. Are you mad at God? Knowing that God allows waiting can make us feel abandoned (ok flat out hopeless sometimes) in our flesh? Is your heart hopeless? Bring your anger, bring your hopelessness, bring any grief in its fullness to Him. He can totally handle it.

 

(3)   Live it. Here is the challenge… GO GET YOU A REDEMPTION STORY. Get one from someone you love in your life. Listen to how God worked out their redemption. It’s as close as your Bible. Remember Naomi and her bitterness. Read Ruth like you are reading the life of a good friend. Think about the losses suffered and the waiting endured. He is there loves. He is there. Find Him.